Ear to Ear Communication
What a meeting! Last night after a session with one of the women’s teams I train, we sat down to discuss how to improve the culture of the group. These women are passionate about what they think and believe and the meeting started off with tons of interruptions:
”let me say this before you continue”
“I disagree with you”
”That’s not what happened!”
On and on it went. I hit my breaking point and put my hands up. In a deeper tone and with intense eye contact I oscillated my gaze around the circle communicating how serious my next statement would be. “I don’t want to be part of this team if we are going to continue to interrupt each other like this. Everyone has an important viewpoint to share and each of your opinions are necessary in understanding what the teams wants. So let’s listen to each other and be mature enough to have these conversations. The discussion continued and the interruptions decreased although there was still a few cutoffs here and there. The main concern of some of the players was drama with women who wanted to join the team, players they had played with in the past and didn’t get along with. One of the women shared “if you all vote any of these players on the team, I’m out! There was too much drama last time with these women.” I appreciated her honesty and told her she had a right to make that decision and that we would be said to see her leave. After the contentious meeting, I stayed after to talk to the captains and listened to their concerns before spending another half hour with two other players on the team about their expectations and what they believed needed to change for the team to thrive. It was an extra hour of my night that I wasn’t being paid for, but all the women were able to get in their cars and drive home knowing their feelings were heard and affirmed.
You’ve heard it said “seeing eye to eye”, but we need more people to “hear ear to ear”, taking turns letting each other speak their hearts and minds and listening fully to what they are trying to letting out. Listening with the purpose of wanting to understand someone on a deeper level strengthens relationships and teams. Getting it all out in the open relieves the pressure of pent up emotions and can only be done if there are little to know interruptions. Knowing that you will have the time to let out the hot air builds a person’s confidence in sharing. And when we are comfortable sharing, we are connecting on a deeper level? Are you a good listener? Are you a good communicator? How can you get better at both?
